My eyes have been shut so tight
my fists so viciously clenched
I’ve given up in this treacherous fight
my thirsty soul unquenched.

Why do I desire joy,
make an effort to find it
look around every corner as if
joy is hidden behind it?

My eyes are closed,
my search in vain.
I want to feel;
if only pain.

What happens when the scales fall,
and this blind beggar sees?
What happens when my eyes are opened;
all my fears appeased?

I see Your face,
marvel at grace
see that joy was all around
my soul was hardened; tightly bound.

Why was I blind, why was it I supposed
that joy is shy and hiding, concealed and undisclosed
when joy is tangible, graspable, attainable
everywhere cast and implausibly sustainable?

If I would look, if I would see
how joy would consume and encircle me
If I would give thanks, kneel at Your feet
my heart would pump joy in and out with each beat

There is fullness of joy at Your feet, in Your presence
for You are everywhere, Lord- omnipresent
joy is not hiding, and neither are You
this water I seek and this love I pursue

I’m drowning in grace, I’m breathing it in
I am free from the laws of death and of sin.
I am breathing it in, with every breath
I am freed from the law of sin and of death.

Thank you, Father. 

“As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.”

-Ann Voskamp

I am a hysterical mess of feeling,
a whirlwind of sorrow and ache.
My head and heart are reeling,
consumed by pain and heartbreak.

There isn’t Morphine for the bleeding soul
or Ether for the tired mind
There aren’t bandages for this heart-hole
to heal and fix and bind

Indestructible hope, you are keeping me alive.
I know this and I feed you, try to make you thrive
but you are slow to grow; slower still to bloom
still I grasp you, hold on tight-you keep me from my tomb.

Irresistible grace, you are saving me continually
as I struggle, stumble, fail, despair- habitually
When I’m remembering pain and torture reliving

it is grace that makes me kneel in thanksgiving.

Oh butterfly, teach me to dance,
and drown out this earthly noise
instruct me with your wings,
inspire my feet with your poise.

Oh butterfly, teach me to build
a chrysalis, covering me
that I may burst forth
spread out my colors
and fly away, finally, free.

Oh butterfly teach me to drink of God’s love
the way that you drink; from flowers
the sweet nectar from Him is unparallelled
his love, and his mercies, and powers.

Oh butterfly, teach me to see,
and seek out the unnoticed beauty
it’s everywhere hidden and sometimes elusive
but seeking out joy is my duty.

Chrysalis